8 Things to do Instead of Spanking your Child

Research affirms that spanking teaches children to use acts of aggression and violence to solve their problems. It  teaches and perpetuates more violence, something which our society is very concerned about. Research further shows that children who have been spanked are more prone to low self-esteem, depression, substance abuse and incarceration.  Contrary to the belief of many people, spanking your child will not keep them out of jail.  I’ve complied 8 suggestions which hopefully will be helpful to parents.

1 – Get Calm

First, if you feel angry and out of control and you want to spank or slap your child, try to leave the situation.  . Calm down and get quiet. In that quiet time you will often find an alternative or solution to the problem. Sometimes parents lose it because they are under a lot of stress. Dinner is boiling over, the kids are fighting, the phone is ringing and your child drops the can of peas and you lose it. If you can’t leave the situation, then try to step back and count to ten.

2 – Take Time for Yourself

Parents are more prone to use spanking when they haven’t had any time to themselves and they feel depleted and hurried.  It is important for parents to take some time for themselves.  Some examples of things to do would be taking a walk, reading or exercising..

3 – Be Kind but Firm

Another frustrating situation where parents tend to spank is when your child hasn’t listened to your repeated requests to behave. Finally, you spank to get your child to act appropriately. Another solution in these situations is to get down on your child’s level, make eye contact, touch him gently  and tell him, in a short, kind but firm phrase, what it is you want him to do. For example, “I want you to play quietly.”

4 – Give Choices

Giving your child a choice is an effective alternative to spanking. If she is playing with her food at the table ask, Would you like to stop playing with your food or would you like to leave the table?” If the child continues to play with her food, you use kind but firm action by helping her down from the table. Then tell her that she can return to the table when she is ready to eat her food without playing in it.

5 – Use Logical Consequences

Consequences  that are logically related to the behavior help teach children responsibility. For example, your child breaks a neighbor’s window and you punish him by spanking him. What does he learn about the situation? He may learn to never do that again, but he also learns that he needs to hide his mistakes, blame it on someone else, lie, or simply not get caught. He may decide that he is bad or feel anger and revenge toward the parent who spanked him. When you spank a child, he may behave because he is afraid to get hit again. However, do you want your child to behave because he is afraid of you or because he respects you?

Compare that situation to a child who breaks a neighbor’s window and his parent says, “I see you’ve broken the window, what will you do to repair it?” using a kind but firm tone of voice. The child decides to mow the neighbor’s lawn and wash his car several times to repay the cost of breaking the window. What does the child learn in this situation? That mistakes are an inevitable part of life and it isn’t so important that he made the mistake but that he takes responsibility to repair the mistake. The focus is taken off the mistake and put on taking responsibility for repairing it. The child feels no anger or revenge toward his parent. And most importantly the child’s self-esteem is not damaged.

6 – Withdraw from Conflict

Children who talk  back to  parents may provoke a parent to slap. In this situation, it is best if you withdraw from the situation immediately. Do not leave the room in anger. Calmly say, “I’ll be in the next room when you want to talk more respectfully.”

7 – Use kind but firm action

Instead of smacking an infant’s hand or bottom when she touches something she isn’t supposed to, kindly but firmly pick her up and take her to the next room. Offer her a toy or another item to distract her and say, “You can try again later.” You may have to take her out several times if she is persistent.

8 – Inform Children Ahead of Time

A child’s temper tantrum can easily set a parent off. Children frequently throw tantrums when they feel uninformed or powerless in a situation. Instead of telling your child he has to leave his friend’s house at a moment’s notice, tell him that you will be leaving in five minutes. This allows the child to complete what he was in the process of doing.

Aggression is an obvious form of perpetuating violence in society. A more subtle form of this is spanking because it takes it’s toll on a child’s self-esteem, this often causes the child to be rebellious and uncooperative. Consider for a moment the vision of a family that knows how to win cooperation and creatively solve their problems without using force or violence. The alternatives are limitless and the results are calmer parents and happier more well adjusted children.

Read Full Post »

Children and Social Anxiety

Children become stressed and anxious for many reasons. Kids may feel overwhelmed by school, frustrated with their peers, or anxious about an upcoming event. Children can have specific or generalized social phobias. Specific social phobias include the fear of speaking in class or in a group of individuals. Generalized social phobia is an anxiety that exists in almost all social situations.

Social anxiety is caused by internal or genetic components and/or external or environmental influences. If a child has at least one socially anxious parent, she has an increased likelihood of inheriting some form of social anxiety. But the environment or a child’s surroundings also play an important role in the development of anxiety. Children who are overprotected by their parents can sometimes become more anxious. Children with special needs, for example, ADHD, Aspergers, or mental illness, may develop social anxiety as a response to the difficulties they encounter in school and in life in general.

These are a list of questions you may ask yourself to help determine if your child may suffer from social anxiety:

Does your child cry for no reason?
Does your child tend to cling to you during social settings or when out in public?
Does your child become anxious and uncomfortable when he is made the focus of attention?
Does your child refuse to speak in public?
Does your child refuse to read aloud in school?
Does your child become overly anxious when called on to answer a question in class?
Has your child refused to go to school?
Does your child exhibit a lot of anxiety over tests?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, then your child may be experiencing some degree of anxiety. You can do a lot to help your child with his anxiety and increase his confidence and self-esteem. Don’t focus your attention on his failures or mistakes, but instead, praise your child for his successes.

In her article titled Helping Children Cope with Anxiety, Maureen Neihart outlines three steps that parents can take to help alleviate their child’s anxiety. First, help your child to control his breathing. Second, teach your child how to relax. Third, help your child to overcome his fears by not avoiding them.

Remember, if you don’t feel like you are making any progress with helping your child to reduce his stress or you believe his anxiety is increasing, contact an expert in anxiety. She can help determine what is going on and if an actual Social Anxiety Disorder exists. There are varying techniques and treatments and a professional can help determine what will be best for your child.

Categories : Anxiety and Stress, Social

Read Full Post »

Raising a Confident Child

Whether going to a new school or stepping up to bat for the first time, kids face a lot of uncharted territory. Naturally, parents want to instill a can-do attitude in their kids so that they’ll bravely take on new challenges and, over time, believe in themselves. While each child is a little different, parents can follow some general guidelines to build kids’ confidence.

Self-confidence rises out of a sense of competence. In other words, kids develop confidence not because parents tell them they’re great, but because of their achievements, big and small. It’s good to hear encouraging words from mom and dad, but words of praise mean more when they refer to a child’s specific efforts or new abilities.

When kids achieve something, whether it’s brushing their own teeth or riding a bike, they get a sense of themselves as able and capable and develop confidence.

Building self-confidence can begin very early. When babies learn to turn the pages of a book or toddlers learn to walk, they are getting the idea “I can do it!” With each new skill and milestone, kids can develop increasing confidence.

Parents can help by giving kids lots of opportunities to practice and master their skills, letting kids make mistakes and being there to boost their spirits so they keep trying. Respond with interest and excitement when kids show off a new skill, and reward them with praise when they achieve a goal or make a good effort.

With opportunities, good instruction, and lots of patience from parents, kids can master basic skills such as tying their shoes and making the bed. Then, when other important challenges present arise, kids can approach them knowing that they have already been successful in other areas.
Stay on the Sidelines
Supervision is important to ensure that kids stay safe however to help them really learn a new skill, it’s also important not to hover. Give kids the opportunity to try something new, make mistakes, and learn from them.

For instance, if your son wants to learn how to make a turkey sandwich, demonstrate, set up the ingredients, and let him give it a try. He will probably make a mess but don’t swoop in the second something hits the counter. Avoid any criticism that could discourage him from trying again. If you step in to finish the sandwich, your son will think, “Oh well, I guess I can’t make sandwiches.”

If you have patience for the mess and the time it takes to learn, the payoff will be real. Someday soon he’ll be able to say, “I’m hungry for lunch, so I’m going to make a sandwich.” You might even reply, “Great, can you make me one, too?” What a clear sign of your faith in his abilities!

Offer Encouragement and Praise
Sometimes, kids give up when frustrations arise. Help by encouraging persistence in the midst of setbacks. By trying again, kids learn that obstacles can be overcome.

Once kids reach a goal, you’ll want to praise not only the end result but also their willingness to stick with it. For instance, after your son has mastered making that sandwich you might show your confidence by saying, “Next time, want to learn how to crack an egg?” Sandwich-fixing and egg-cracking might not seem like huge achievements, but they’re important steps in the right direction — toward your child’s independence.

Throughout childhood, parents have chances to prepare kids to take care of themselves. Sure, it’s great to feel needed, but as kids steadily gain confidence and independence, their relationship with you can be even richer. You can be bonded, not just by dependence, but by love and shared pride in all they’ve achieved.

Read Full Post »

10 things not to say to your child

the way we speak to children is very important. I’ve compiled a list of things parents often say and alternatives which may have a better out come.

1. No as in running, hitting, yelling, fill in the verb)! Kids hear the word “no” far too frequently. I don’t mean you shouldn’t say no to your child just less frequently. You can always rephrase the sentence from a negative to a positive, which will correct the behavior without sounding critical. Train yourself to say what you want them to do instead of what you don’t. So, you can say “Walk, please” instead of “No running”.

2. Good job! There is a difference between Praise and Encouragement, and this phrase is the most commonly spoken praise children hear. Train yourself to respond with “You did it!” or “You got it!” or “You figured it out!”. Notice the common element is starting with the word “you” and then acknowledging what they worked at, rather than what you think about it.

3. Don’t argue with me. Children are programmed to question, analyze and wonder about situations. This can sometimes present itself in an argumentative way, but this is actually a normal part of development. Instead of cutting off the conversation, you can say, “I know you want my answer to be different, but it will not change”. You can also train yourself to make sure the child fully understands your response, with “I just told you my answer. Do you have a question about it?” This allows the child to present their opinion or get clarification. Either way, the child is allowed to express their thoughts or concerns and feel validated without an argument.

4. Wait until your Dad/Mom/other person finds out about this. This does two things. First, it creates anxiety and fear in the child, especially of the person who you are going to tell about whatever happened. Second, it ignores your responsibility to deal with the issue at hand and passes it to someone else. By the time a child has gotten in trouble for something, they already feel guilty and embarrassed about it. Threatening to tell someone else won’t work. Choose whether the other person really needs to know about the issue, and if yes, let the child decide who will tell them. “Do you choose to tell (Mom) what happened, or choose for me to tell her with you there to make sure that I explain it correctly?” This gives the child respect and responsibility for their actions.

5. If you do that one more time… This is a common phrase but it’s not very effective. First, you are threatening a child, which makes them fearful of you. Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. Then we contradict our credibility. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices. “If you choose to (continue that behavior), you choose to (receive whatever consequence has already been established as a punishment)”. You might say, “Melissa, if you choose to poke your sister again, you choose to not watch TV for the rest of the day”. This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.

6. You are doing that the wrong way. Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose. Of course, there will be times when a task must be completed in a certain way (homework, etc.). However, many times we force kids to do something the “right way”, when it could have been done in several ways. If a child is coloring the grass purple, it is easy to tell them it must be green. A kid can sit down on a chair facing the back, and we make them turn around. Train yourself to acknowledge their behavior without a judgment, such as “You chose to sit the other way on the chair” or “You colored the grass purple instead”. This gives them the freedom to be creative and discover things without expectations.

7. That is what happens when you… We often try to teach lesson to kids about life at the most inappropriate times. If a child gets hurt because they were doing something dangerous or inappropriate, they already learned their lesson. It is wasted words to try to express a rule when a child is upset, as they focus on one thing at a time. Instead, train yourself to say, “You realized that you jumped off the chair and got hurt when you landed on the ground”, rather than, “See, that is what happens when you jump off the chair”. The former acknowledges that the child already figured out the problem, but is still comforting.

8. You can’t/Don’t do that. When redirecting behavior, it is difficult to know how to phrase things in the best way. Telling a child that they can’t do something makes them prove that they can, by telling you or showing you that it is in fact possible. Telling a kid to not do something makes them want to argue or rebel. Train yourself to explain the reason behind your statement. “That is not safe” or “Your skin is not for coloring on” is specific and helps them learn why things are off limits, rather than just that they are.

9. We are (whatever the child doesn’t want to do at that moment), OKAY? In an attempt to be kind and loving to children, parents tend to ask kids for their approval. I understand the rationale behind it, but I believe it becomes a habit when trying to convince a child to comply. Parents will often say, “We are leaving the playground now and we’ll come back again, okay?” The reality is that asking your child if it is okay sets you up for an argument when the child says no. You already know that he doesn’t want to leave, or you wouldn’t be negotiating with him. Train yourself to state things in sentence form, while acknowledging the child’s feelings. “Michael, I know you want to stay and play, but it is time to go. We can come back another day”. This helps the child feel understood, but still communicates that leaving is non-negotiable.

10. You are making me really mad right now. Parents tend to let their children control their emotions, when it is the parent who is ultimately responsible for how they feel. It is also important for kids to understand that they choose what they feel, and they are not creating emotions in you. Train yourself to say, “I need a break right now because I am getting upset” or “I am angry right now”. You can communicate your feelings to your children without placing the burden of cause on them.

Retraining your way of speaking will take time but can be done. I would encourage you to do it one step at a time, and feel proud when you hear yourself respond differently. It will not happen overnight but it can happen with practice.

Racquel P. Jones, LCSW

Read Full Post »

Children and Anger

Everyone becomes angry at times. However when you children seem to be angry all most all of the time, it may be the sign of a more complex problem.
Episodes of anger in children and fighting among older children (5-12) are normal. This behavior can be used as good opportunities in a child’s experiences for learning self control and forgiveness.
Even the anger tantrums of difficult children can come within the normal range. There are children who are born with an uncompromising temperament;these are children who are more often than not finicky and challenging.

However there are other valid causes of anger in children that require attention and maybe professional intervention; these are children who are angry because of family separation and child custody issues. Or they may be victims of some type of abuse. Children who have been sexually abused often have very angry and destructive outbursts.

Repeated episodes of sustained and explosive anger can signal the need for professional intervention. These severe episodes of anger in children can be a sign of the following anger issues:

anger disorder
oppositional defiance disorder
bipolar disorder
attention deficit disorder
Conduct Disorder

What are the signs that tell you your child needs professional help?

-Anger in the child becomes severe; he tears up his books and breaks things in the house.

-The child’s behavior poses a danger to himself and others.

-Anger in the child is sustained,lasting for an hour or more.

-Teachers at your child’s school have voiced concern over his anger and behavior.

-The child has performed acts of violence against others( like setting fire in school or torturing animals). If your child exhibits these behaviors, it is very important to obtain professional help as soon as possible.

Anger in Teens

Defiant behavior and attitudes are normal in teenagers. However, the following signs may indicate a need for professional attention.

-persistent rude and verbally abusive behavior

-physical aggression or outbursts against others

-physical aggression or outbursts against self

-avoidance of friends, self-mutilation

-school attendance and performance problems

What You Can Do about Anger in Children

Most episodes of rage in children are normal. There are many strategies that can be used to help your child understand that alternate responses are available to him or her. For example if possible remove your child from the situation and try to redirect him or her.

Anger in children often comes from stress. Stress is part of a child’s life as much as it is a part of an adult’s life. Teaching a child how to handle stress is one of the best things parents can do for their children. A healthy dose of stress actually builds resilience …and optimism.

Remember that children will experience anger at times and it is important for adults to help them with their anger. If the situation appears uncontrollable, seek professional help.

http://healingheart-counseling.org/home.html

Read Full Post »

Children and Depression

Although most people don’t recognize it, there are many children who suffer from depression.
Parents do not always want to believe this but it must be acknowledged that at times children do suffer.
Knowing how to recognize the symptoms of childhood depression and how to deal with them as a parent makes a big difference. It is very important for an adult to notice what is happening and to intervene as soon as possible.

These are some of the warning signs associated with childhood depression:

A child who is usually outgoing becomes withdrawn. For example, he wants to spend more time in his room, shows little joy and generally has an unemotional affect.
Inability to complete project assignments or other tasks at school.
A child who, over a period of time, has bursts of irritability or anger that seem unusual for her.
Anxiety, tense or clingy. A child who does not want to be left alone and frequently seeks reassurance because of anxieties.
Difficulty concentrating, having scattered thoughts, expressing negative thoughts about themselves and the world. Feelings of hopelessness.
Suicidal thoughts

The good news is these symptoms of depression are manageable and treatable.
Remember children are vulnerable, deeply feeling. bright and needy in a healthy sense. They need validation, emotional support,reassurance and understanding.
A parent’s listening, caring and providing space will make a child feel understood and loved.
Often depressive symptoms are worsened due to loneliness and isolation, where children feel that how they feel and what they think does not matter.
Take time every day to talk with your child, have meals with your child, play with your child. With this attention you may see many of these depressive symptoms reverse over time. Be consistent and open, children will show you what they need. your job is to pay attention.
If you continue to struggle and do not see your child’s symptoms easing, then seek professional help.
A good therapist will help you and your child get back on track.

Read Full Post »

Financial Troubles and Kids

House prices are going down; more families are facing foreclosure on their mortgages; gas prices, energy prices, and grocery bills are all going up — and uncertainty over when things will take a turn for the better is making everyone tighten their belts. It’s often difficult for a parent to explain this to their children.

What to Say:
Be honest with your children — but don’t tell them more than they need to know. Avoid giving older kids too many details or worries that might scare them. Stick to brief explanations and be clear about changes made to the family budget.

You can’t expect young kids to volunteer to scale back on their treats or activities right away. Encourage budgeting behavior by offering incentives to get kids on board.
Knowing what you want to say, what changes will be made — and how those changes will affect each child — can help make this a little easier.

Talking to Younger Kids
Arianna is 6. Her best friend just got a new doll for her birthday — the expensive kind that you know you can’t afford. She starts to whine, “I never get anything I want. It’s not fair…”

It’s hard to keep your cool when you’re working hard to keep the family afloat, or stressed out because the bank has threatened foreclosure. Take a deep breath and stay calm. If necessary, tell your child that you’ll talk about it later, then be sure to set aside time to do so.

Remind yourself that it’s OK to reject pleas and set limits. You’re not depriving your children — you’re teaching them important lessons about delaying gratification, earning treats and rewards, and about family finances. After all, food and rent come before toys.

When you’re ready, tell your child that you cannot buy new toys right now, but perhaps the toys can be put on a wish list for the next birthday, Christmas, Hanukkah, or other gift-giving occasion.

If you can afford it, offer a small reward in exchange for good behavior or keeping the bedroom straight. Short-term rewards, such as stickers or tokens, can keep younger kids motivated. Financial incentives can help older kids earn money toward their goals while teaching them valuable lessons about saving.

Kids this age may not be interested in the global economy or why money is tight, but they can be told that there is a limited amount of money in the family budget. Do not give into their every whim, and instead encourage kids to plan ahead for new purchases.

When talking to your kids, let them know that they’re not alone in their desires. Talk about how you feel when you see something that you want, but can’t purchase it right away. Explain that everyone in the family has to cut down on spending and remind them that, if they’re really motivated, there are ways to earn money and work toward the things they truly want.

Making Rules Stick
Family meetings are a great way to establish new rules, even if they’re temporary until family finances are in better shape.

Explain the new rules and also new opportunities for earning privileges and treats. Make it fun: challenge kids to come up with family-friendly, cost-effective activities that everyone will enjoy.

Once you’ve had “the talk” with your kids, keep a list posted of the new house rules so that everyone knows what is expected of them.

What Else You Can Do
Manage stress levels. Get support, remember you’re not the only family going through hard times. Try joining a support group or other social network in your area. Support groups are offered through local hospitals, churches, synagogues, libraries, and schools. If you feel that stress or anxiety is really starting to take its toll, you may benefit from seeing a counselor who may suggest therapeutic strategies — such as relaxation techniques, exercise, or yoga — that can help you feel better and learn to manage your stress.
Learn to say “no.” Sometimes parents say “yes” to their kids before knowing if they can afford a new expense. Even if you agreed to something, you can explain that you made a mistake, and in order to be a financially responsible family — everyone must give up certain treats for a while.
Explore fun, low-cost activities. Challenge your family to create memories without visiting a mall or a store. Some ideas include: bike riding together, going to a park, visiting yard sales, free movie nights, concerts, library events, museums and other local art, cultural, or sporting events.
Get kids involved. Do kids get an allowance they can save up? Can they earn money or points towards things they want? Older kids might look into helping pay for college by saving money or applying for scholarships, loans, or grants.
Encouraging kids to find creative ways to save or make money not only helps them feel empowered — it helps them feel like they’re doing their part to help out.

http://healingheart-counseling.org/home.html

Read Full Post »

Recognizing the Signs of Childhood Sexual Abuse

It’s very difficult for most people to imagine but many children will be sexually abused during their childhood. Contrary to popular belief most children are not abused by strangers but by people whom they know and trust. People who at one time would never be suspected (teachers, coaches, ministers, daycare operators and close relatives) are often the ones who are found out to be abusive. It is very important to watch for any signs from your child that someone may be hurting him or her. Always keep the lines of communication open with your child, listen to them and watch for these warning signs.
1
Pay attention to your child’s posture. If your child suddenly has pain or difficulty sitting or walking, talk to them and try to get them to open up to you about what is wrong. Abusers often threaten to harm the children or their families or pets and your child may be terrified.
2
Look for adult behaviors. Suddenly seductive rubbing on or around the genital area, using sexual words or adult, flirty behavior. Don’t become angry at them for this, you need them to talk to your child about what’s going on. Take action if you suspect anything. Young children (those under 12) do not usually behave this way unless they are taught to do so.
3
Watch for sudden shyness or fearfulness. Refusing suddenly to change in front of others or in gym class is common. So are nightmares, bedwetting and sleeplessness. When any of these becomes a pattern, this often represents a symptom that something is wrong.
4
Know your child’s habits. Are they suddenly eating a great deal more or less? Do they want to be alone more or never alone at all? Are they afraid or reluctant to go places they always enjoyed? Do they talk about or try running away? Daycare, school, friends’ and relatives’ homes are usually safe places but these are the places where kids most often get abused.
5
For older children, pregnancy or contracting an STD may not be promiscuity. It may be sexual abuse. Talk to your child and draw them out with kindness.
6
Talk to others. Getting to know your child’s teachers, principal, nursery workers and sitters is extremely important if you want to ensure your child’s safety. It is one of the best tools you have. If you see warning signs, ask those your child is around if they’ve noticed that you child is acting oddly. Notice their reactions as well as their words.
7
Listen to your child. If your child talks about or reports sexual abuse, believe it to be true. The evidence is very clear that this is not something that children make up. Remember what a risk they took in telling you and pay attention.
8
Remember to take action if you have suspicions. Keep the channels of communication as open as possible. Write down what you have observed and what your child has said if anything. Take your child to the doctor and explain to the doctor–alone–what you want your child examined for. Talk to the child’s caregivers.
9
Take criminal action if it is warranted. If a sexual crime has been committed, you need to report it. If you don’t your child may feel that he is either not worth the trouble to protect or that you think it is his fault.

While it’s not possible to always be with your child and protect them from everything, it is important to do as much as you can to keep your child safe.

http://healingheart-counseling.org/home.html

Read Full Post »

Helpful Tips for Improving Your Child’s Behavior

All children have episodes of unacceptable behavior, some more frequently and severely and others less. Using these three steps will help to improve your child’s behavior and reduce the frequency and severity of your child’s behavior problem.

1) Relationship

A loving, stable relationship between parents and children is the basis for the child’s healthy social development. Remember to tell your child you love him and show your love by taking time to listen, to play, and to teach. The parent-child relationship is built on the words you say and the tone of your voice. It is strengthened by the laughter you share and the things you do together. It is bonded by the values and skills you pass on to your child on a daily basis.

2) Planning

Planning is a secret of good parenting. Watch your expectations so that you plan for good behavior rather than dread the bad. Many children’s behavior problems occur during times of transition and adjustment. Childhood is a continual process of transition, and adjustment to rapid development, therefore bad behavior is a natural reaction to challenges that the the child doesn’t yet have the skills to accomplish.
Planning involves knowing your child, her temperament and skills, and knowing the challenges of her environment. Use direct instruction, guidance, and practice opportunities to teach the skills she will need to cope with new challenges during her childhood.

3) Response

Attentiveness and response are the important tools for improving your child’s behavior. An understanding of behavior modification principles will help you plan your responses to improve behavior. This comes down to actions and consequences. When a child’s action elicits positive reinforcement, it will be repeated over time. When an action elicits punishment, it will eventually stop.

Children learn to make the connection between an action and its consequence when the reinforcement or punishment is immediate and logically related to the action. Parents can make the connection by talking to the child about what they did and why it lead to a certain consequence. As parents, your responses to your child’s actions are powerful consequences, either rewarding or punishing and therefore, shape his behavior. In the context of a positive parent-child relationship, your approval or disapproval is usually enough of a response to reinforce or punish a behavior. When more intensive rewards or punishments are needed, parents should choose those that work for their family.

It is very important to pay attention to your child’s attitude, moods, and behavior; and then, respond to both good and bad behavior quickly. Learn to recognize when bad behavior is being reinforced or good behavior is being extinguished, and adjust the consequences to turn it around. Parenting is both challenging and rewarding, remember you shape your child into who he will become in the future.

http://healingheart-counseling.org/home.html

Read Full Post »

Parenting Tips for Preschoolers

Preschoolers are amazing little people. They can go and go all day, absorbing huge amounts of information. I’ve listed 10 tips to help you through this exciting time during your child’s development.

1. Use your imagination.
Preschoolers are very imaginative and use their imagination everyday all day long. Their developing imaginations help them to make sense of their world since they have limited experience. Imaginative play helps them understand new concepts in a non-threatening way.

2. Why is the sky blue?
Preschoolers have lots of questions and as their parent, you are the expert on all things in life. They need simple and direct answers, not complicated, technically correct answers for their questions.

3. Be patient.
Preschoolers want to learn about everything around them. However, their attention spans and vocabularies are limited. This can lead to frustration for both of you. Sometimes they are interested in information but can’t articulate exactly what they want to know. A good way to help you child through this is to play a guessing game to figure out what they want to know. Your ability to stay patient will help your little one develop patience with herself, too.

4. Sympathize with their struggles.
Along the same lines as being patient is to sympathize and empathize with your child’s struggles. Let them know you understand how tough some things are for them and that you are on their side. This age group really likes the idea that someone is their champion; it will help them listen to you even when they don’t like what you have to say.

5. Play grown-up.
Preschoolers are wonderful imitators of everything. Playing dress up is something most preschoolers really love to do. They also enjoy acting out characters. Read a good book, then act it out together and you’ll be your preschooler’s best friend.

6. Boundaries with some freedom.
Your young child needs to know where the limits of behavior are in your family. So tell her clearly and firmly. Then enforce those limits as necessary. This gives your child a sense of security and establishes you as a leader in her life. Include a bit of freedom within those boundaries. For example, “you can play anywhere in your playroom or bedroom with those toys, but not in the living room.” These boundaries allow her to practice making small decisions and to learn self-control.

7. Active is best.
Preschoolers need to be active. They love moving and exploring, so make sure you include plenty of active time in each and every day. Keep television to a minimum.

8. Educational toys are more fun.
Look for action-oriented toys that go along with your preschooler’s action-oriented drive. Look for toys that can be turned into multiple things and imaginative toys that require play-acting.

9. Enlist your preschooler’s cooperation.
Appeal to your child’s sense of ‘big girl’ or ‘big boy’. Ask him to help you carry the groceries inside or put the laundry away. Show how to fold clothes and set the table. If you start these simple tasks now, they will be habits by the time your child is old enough to do them well.

10. Sleep is important.
Make sure your preschooler gets an adequate amount of sleep each day. Some kids at this age still need naps, some do not. Your little one will function better, be more cooperative and enjoy each day more with the correct amount of rest. Make sure there is a quiet time in your home each evening that will signal to your preschooler that bed time is arriving.

Remember to enjoy this special time in your child’s life as he literally absorbs the world around him. It is a magical time for children and parents and the relationship you forge with your child at this stage will stay with you both for a long, long time.

http://healingheart-counseling.org/home.html

Read Full Post »